I lost my mum 11 years ago. My children have never met her. They have seen photographs and I talk about her a lot but they don’t really understand who she is.
With this in mind I asked my dad if I could borrow the DVD footage he has of her so that I could show the children. This starts in 1992 when we had our first camcorder. I was 21 years old.
My expectation of watching the video was that it would be really difficult and that I would spend the evening blubbing into my pillow. In fact it had the opposite effect. Watching a family party featuring my mother, grandmother and great aunts who are no longer with us made me feel really warm inside. It brought back memories of large family gatherings and the characters within them that could be so easily forgotten.
Watching myself was interesting too. I was surprised at how little I said even in comfortable environments. I could feel how I might be perceived by others and it gave me a useful insight into myself. Not that I think I still behave like my 21 year old self but it made me think a lot about the importance of communicating (something I have been reflecting on a lot recently).
It also made me think how lucky our children are. They have the capacity to record their memories on film so that their children will not only be able to see what mummy looked like when she was young, but they will also be able to watch events and see how she behaved at them. They can preserve those everyday moments that are so quickly forgotten. I wonder whether in the light of this our perception of history will change? We will have a clear picture of what it might be like to live as an ordinary person during a given age in addition to learning about key historical events.
It was a great exercise to watch these films. My children were fascinated by my parents’ wedding film (no sound as it was transferred from cine film). They could see how quiet the roads were, how the cars were different and that my dad once was a young man with hair. There are members of my family that I only ever remember as being old, how precious it would be to see them when they were young, not only in photographs but also how they behaved. My parents told me what their grandparents were like, but I never had a clear picture. My children will be able to hear my stories but also see what their grandmother and great-grandmother were like . How precious is that?
One of the main reasons we made the decision to have our own wedding filmed was that the footage would include family and friends who over time would be gone and we felt it was a special way to preserve their memory.
I must make an effort to take more video of our family. Filming the everyday things and not just special events because they tell us so much and jog memories that would be more easily forgotten.
My 3 year old wears glasses. She has been getting on really well with them and feels quite special and unique. She wears them because she has a turn and is long sighted. The ophthalmologist thinks that her glasses will correct the turn, but there is a chance that she will have to have an eye patch.
When we were told she would have to wear glasses, I searched for picture books about children wearing glasses. I bought the Charlie and Lola book ‘I Really Absolutely Must Have Glasses’. This didn’t really fit the bill because although it is about going for an eye test and really wanting glasses, Lola doesn’t actually need glasses.
I gave up looking for a while until by a stroke of fate I came across The Pirate of Kindergarten in a list of top 10 books for Special Educational Needs. This hit the nail right on the head . The story is about a little girl who is clumsy and sees in double vision unless she closes one eye. After attending an eye test they tell her that most children don’t see in this way and give her glasses and a cool eye patch . She becomes the Pirate of Kindergarten.
My 3 year old is incredibly clumsy and often falls over and crashes into things. I asked her if she ever saw 2 of things like the girl and she replied ‘sometimes’. I don’t know whether she sees in this way, but the book gave me a valuable insight into what the world might be like through her eyes.
This is a lovely book for a child who wears glasses and for a nursery, pre-school or childminder who is looking to increase their inclusive books. The illustrations are beautiful, the subject matter is handled sensitively and is told in a simple and sympathetic manner that young children can understand.
This post is a personal recommendation, no payment or product was received for writing this review.
This Christmas we decided to take a break from our traditional way of doing things. We visited Butlins Minehead Resort courtesy of the Butlins Mums Ambassador Programme. We usually spend Christmas at home, but I can thoroughly recommend a Christmas Butlins break for taking the hassle out of Christmas and spending quality time with your family. We did many things on the break that are not unique to Christmas, these will feature in a later post. This is our diary of the special things that are available on a Christmas Butlins break.
23rd December
We checked in at our Gold apartment and were immediately greeted by some lovely added touches. The dining table was laid with a Christmas cloth, wine glasses, crackers and a bottle of bubbly and when the children checked out their bedrooms they found a lovely little gift each on their bed.
(Not pictured on a Butlins bed)
We then headed to the Yacht Club for dinner. The children were given Christmas cookies on arrival while we were allocated our table (guests keep the same table for the duration of their break). The dining experience was a real highlight of the break. Not only did I not have to cook but the quality, quantity and choice of food was excellent. Food and drink were on a self-serve basis and the children enjoyed coming to make their own choice of food and using the machines to get drinks. The meals ranged from 3 -5 courses and included a bottle wine . Our meet and greet host Mark also deserves a special mention for his exuberance and energy and for going out of his way to make sure we were happy. The children loved his illuminated tickling stick.
Christmas Eve
Butlins had a special visit from 2 of Santa’s reindeer and we visited them in the morning.
The girls and I spent the afternoon in the Skyline Pavilion. We watched the puppet show and danced with Angelina Ballerina but the highlight was Bjorn the Polar Bear. This amazing animatronic polar bear was so responsive and lifelike that the children were captivated.
One girl was chosen to be the first to interact with Bjorn and when she called his name he turned and walked towards her. All the children had a chance to hold their hand out for Bjorn to move towards them to be stroked and as a finale he rose onto his hind legs when the audience clapped and made a noise like a seal.
The snow globe looked like great fun with its simulated snowstorm, character photo shoots were scheduled here during the day. Unfortunately, by the time we considered going in (on Tuesday) it had lost some of its juice and the snow wasn’t falling and blowing properly so we decided to give it a miss. Next time I’ll make sure we get in early.
During the afternoon the housekeeping staff visited with a bag each containing a carrot for the reindeer and a mince pie for Father Christmas.
The girls filled out their letters to Santa included in the welcome pack. We intended to post them on our way to Father Christmas but by this point the post box had closed and we were too late. I believe had we been on time the girls would have received a personalised letter from Father Christmas.
We had a pre-booked time slot to visit Father Christmas in his Enchanted Forest. The children loved being met by the Gingerbread Man and a fairy as we entered the Forest and each had a good quality gift from Father Christmas (this incurred no extra charge).
On the way to dinner we caught the end of the firework display and my 3 year old who is afraid of fireworks was very brave.
After dinner we headed to Reds for a few drinks, and to catch the Take That tribute band. This was followed by an Adele tribute and Beatles tribute, but these were a little late for our kids.
When back in the apartment the girls hung their stockings on the tree ( we took a small table top Christmas tree with us) and put out the carrots and mince pies along with Santa’s magic key (Butlins apartments don’t have chimneys).
All of the Butlins staff went out of their way to help during our stay, this included the security man who helped carry presents to our chalet at 4am. As a minor suggestion if you are considering a Christmas break at Butlins, leave some of the presents at home. The time and space it took to load, unload and unwrap all the presents was a little overwhelming!
Christmas Day
The girls woke up very excited that Father Christmas had visited Butlins. Remarkably, we managed to get the girls to breakfast before opening any presents. On opening the door they found this note from the man himself.
The morning was taken up opening presents and we headed for Christmas dinner during the mid afternoon. Today the little table in the entrance was laden with chocolates, fruit and nuts and a glass of Bucks Fizz for the grown ups. Our places were adorned with crackers, chocolates, a box of party poppers, rocket balloons and streamers, a bottle of fizz (yay!) and a little wrapped present for the baby. We unwrapped it to find a Billy Bear bowl – very useful as I had been feeding her snacks from a china bowl in the apartment up until this point.
The meet and greet staff soon arrived with children’s crackers and Billy Bear cups for each of the children. A traditional 5 course Christmas Dinner left us all suitably satisfied, before heading back to the apartment for my Christmas Dr Who fix.
In addition to regular Christmas television, the Butlins television channel showed the Redcoats favourite Christmas movies, this helped to keep the children amused.
Boxing Day
Today was our pre-booked time slot for the pantomime Aladdin. This was great fun and the girls really enjoyed it. It wasn’t too long and included plenty of catchy songs.
We spent the afternoon at the funfair before coming into the warm for coffee and hot chocolate while the girls enjoyed softplay.
For the evening entertainment we made our way to Reds for a Robbie Williams and Girls Aloud tribute and a bit of a boogie. The girls had made friends with some of the children we met at the restaurant and stayed up late dancing and playing with them.
27th December
Time to check out and say goodbye. I can highly recommend a Christmas break at Butlins. It was great to focus on the children at Christmas rather than visiting and entertaining. I would love to do it again with a large family gathering …. I wonder if I can persuade my family to book for next year?
This Christmas break was in Gold Standard accommodation with the Premium Dining package (Dinner, Bed and Breakfast) at Minehead Resort.
At the time of visiting my children were aged 7,3 and 1.
A few weeks ago, I picked up a tube of Magic Snow. I have never seen this before but I thought it might be a nice Christmas play idea. It comes as a powder in a test tube shaped container and when you add water to it, it expands to 100 times its original size to look like snow.
It feels really soft and just a little bit cold
You get all the fun of playing with ice and snow but it doesn’t melt or feel too cold on little fingers.
We tried to mould a snowman and make models with the snow.
The snow was a big hit but was gradually creeping onto the floor and getting a bit slippery, so I suggested we put the snow in a tray.
We found some snow animals and the penguins slid around on the ice.
We went out and left the snow in the tray for a few hours, it showed no signs of drying up during this time so I am hoping that we will get a few days play from this batch. Magic snow is a big hit with my 3 year old who loves messy, tactile things and I’m sure it is an activity she will return to regularly in the lead up to Christmas.
Ahead of the Government publishing its own report on the state of the nation’s happiness next year, family holiday firm Butlins has launched its own barometer of harmony at home with a study of more than 3000 parents and children.
And while the majority of families in the UK describe themselves as happy and not allowing economic gloom to get in the way of their fun, both parents and kids just wish they could spend more time together. Parents say the need to work longer hours is getting in the way but children would rather forgo extra pocket money to get an extra hour with mum and dad. Interestingly the survey found that the biggest barrier to children’s happiness is spending enough time with their parents. This reflects my daughter’s comments in a piece of work she wrote about herself. When asked what made her happy, she wrote
Spending time on my own with mum or dad.
Parents admit that on average they spend just 68 minutes a day with their children, adding up to just 44 weeks in total before a child reaches adulthood.
This doesn’t reflect my own family situation, as a stay at home mum I probably spend too much time with my children for my own sanity. My husband on the other hand works long hours and at some considerable distance from home so our time as a whole family is very precious.
Now Butlins has appointed its first Director of Happiness to help families overcome obstacles to “together time”. ‘Director of Happiness’ for Butlins, now that has to be added to my list of dream jobs. Mark Hunter – one of the UK’s only Positive Psychologists – will advise the company on initiatives to help add extra sparkle to family life, starting with a new online resource for parents.
I checked out the happiness resource. It is made up of 3 main sections:
The Key is about spending quality time as a family and Emma has some useful tools to help you reflect on the quality of your family time and some suggestions to make it more fulfilling below are a small sample.
Gain perspective: Make a list of the things that are important to you – everything from your children or partner to your car or phone. Then next to each thing write M for material or R for relationship. Then consider losing something from each list; how do you feel? Would losing things from the M list be a real inconvenience? But what about list R? How does losing these things feel? Make a plan to invest your best self in the relationships that are important to you.
Make a time capsule: Create a memory record for all the family to treasure in years to come. Your capsule might include family pictures and introductions to you all – perhaps filmed and saved onto a CD; a newspaper from the day you put your treasure together; biographies of each family member with inside information on your favourite hobbies and TV programmes.
Agree to open it up at regular intervals, i.e. every 7 years and then add to it. This could become your own family tradition for years to come which grows into a unique and very modern family tree.
Reflect and wind down: At the end of each day find a moment to re-connect with each other. It might be finding out what your child did in one of their lessons or planning an evening out with your husband or partner.
Make a wish list: At the start of a new school term, get together as a family and make a list of things you all want to do. Good planning means that anything is possible!
A Happy Days game providing you with the chance to win a Butlins break is also featured.
My competition to win 6 Picture Books has prompted some wonderful comments about reading with young children. Lots of the comments suggested that parents were always keen to find new books to share with their children. I have already written a post sharing my top books for under 5’s so I thought this time I would ask my children.
The Elephant and the Bad Baby by Elfrida Vipont and Raymond Briggs.
This was my 7 Year olds favourite book when she was 2. We read it again and again and the repetitive text almost drove my husband bonkers. When my middle child was 2 she latched onto it also and it became a firm favourite. The first part of the book is repetitive and it is easy for the children to learn it by heart and join in with the story, especially the ‘rumpeta,rumpeta rumpeta as they go down the road. The message behind the story is the importance of saying please and it does this in a charming and humourous manner. Both my children have loved the page with the baker’s shop, looking at the cakes and deciding which one they like best. I’m sure it is a book you will find your young children ‘reading’ by themselves before long even if they are unable to read.
Stick Man by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler
This was my 3 year olds choice. Her dad read it to her recently and said ‘What a lovely book, why haven’t I read this one before?’ (his other favourite is The Snail and the Whale by the same authors).
Written by the authors of the Gruffalo , this rhyming book is about a Stickman who gets himself into situations because he keeps getting mistaken for a stick. He is desperate to get back to his family and is losing hope when he meets Father Christmas who lends a helping hand.
You Choose by Pippa Goodhart and Nick Sharratt
This was one of the books from my 7 year olds Bookstart Treasure Chest. This soon became the one book we read every evening until I became so sick of it and I would plead with her to choose something else. She is still very fond of it and it is one of the few picture books she refuses to pass down to her younger sister.
Each page asks a question such as if you could have any house what sort of house would you choose? Then you choose the one you like best from the illustrations. Nick Sharratt’s illustrations are lovely and it is a great book to stimulate discussion but in our house it was a little over read!
Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren
This is not strictly for under 5’s, my 7 year old chose it and I’ve allowed it in the list because we first read it together when she was 4. Pippi Longstocking is a very witty and insightful book and you will get a lot out of it as an adult too (in a similar way to Winnie the Pooh). There are a few books that stand the test of time and this is one of them. My daughter’s copy has been so well read it is falling apart but when I offered to replace it with a new copy she declined my offer.
Sharing a Shell by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler
There is a Charlie and Lola story about a library book that Lola is fixated with and takes home every time she visits. This was the book that my 7 year old borrowed from the library time and again until finally the library sold it off because it had become too shabby. We bought it for 30p.
It is a beautiful rhyming story about sharing and friendship and helping others. We lost our copy a few years back after I used it at work . My 3 year old found a copy at our doctors surgery, we read it together and I explained that it had been her sister’s favourite. She loved it too. When my 7 year old suggested this one she beamed and said’Oh I love that one’ running to her bookcase to get it. I explained that we didn’t have it anymore. Writing this has prompted me to buy a replacement copy and I will enjoy reading it to my 2 younger daughters.
Today I received my daughter’s Pre-School’s mobile phone policy. I think it is fairly standard since the child abuse case at Little Ted’s Nursery in Plymouth.
The policy states that anyone working/helping at the pre-school must keep their mobile phones in a locker. Also that parents must not use a mobile phone on the premises and have to leave the pre-school room if they wish to answer the phone.
I clearly understand why such policies have become commonplace and agree that we need to protect children from harm. However, there is a big part of me that feels that the world is going mad. Of course I wouldn’t want lots of photographs of my child on a personal phone, but what is the likelihood that a nursery worker would take inappropriate photos? In my experience taking photographs of children is an important part of sharing with parents what their children are doing and in documenting their learning.
My eldest daughter went to a different childminder for a day when she was 2. When I arrived to collect her the childminder presented me with a sheet of photographs of all the things she had done that day. This was so reassuring for me as she had been in an unfamiliar place. How much better would that have been had she been able to send me pictures throughout the day?
I agree that there need to be clear guidelines about how photographs of children are used but wouldn’t it be better to have one pre-school/nursery phone that can be used in this way under the supervision of senior staff?
It could be argued that on modern mobile phones it is very easy to post photographs on the internet, something most parents wouldn’t be comfortable with. However isn’t this also true if we go to any public place with our children? There will always be other parents taking photographs of their children and our own children may incidentally appear within them. Those photographs could very easily appear on the internet, so will mobile phone photography be banned in public places in the future?
I am not saying that we shouldn’t be making childcare provision as safe as possible for children. We do however need to look at the whole picture. As mobile technology evolves there may be a whole manner of benefits and experiences that children and their childcare settings will miss out on if they are banned completely. Safety is a huge consideration but is the only option banning it completely?
I’d be interested to know what others think from both a childcare and parental perspective.
When I worked in a nursery we displayed a Hallowe’en Pumpkin in our entrance hall. It was placed on a table covered with a table-cloth. Under the table-cloth we put a tape recording of the pumpkin’s voice that we would play when it was lit. The children would be mesmerised.
I taught a wonderfully imaginative little boy who particularly loved the pumpkin. He went on to school and told his teacher all about the talking pumpkin, his belief that it really talked was genuine. Rather than stimulating his natural imagination she told him, ‘ Of course it doesn’t talk , it was just the teachers making the voice’. I was so sad when I heard this story, talk about shattering a child’s illusions .
Firstly how would you know that a 3 year old is struggling to see properly? The simple answer is I didn’t.
A while ago I noticed that my daughter could go cross-eyed. I’ve never been able to do this so just thought that she had discovered a new skill. However this became more and more frequent and it became clear that it wasn’t intentional. I decided to take her for an eye test.
How do you test a 3 year olds eyes? Firstly the optician projected pictures onto the wall. The pictures were butterflies, rabbits, planes and fish. The optician asked her what she could see. The only one that she mentioned with any conviction was the butterfly but I couldn’t be sure whether she couldn’t see what they were or was simply being shy. For checking how well she could see close up, the optician had cards with hidden pictures on and she asked my daughter what she could see. She gave her glasses with inter-changeable lenses and shone a light into her eyes. It was quite a long and thorough process and it turns out that she is long-sighted and that wearing glasses should correct the turn in her eye.
We had fun trying on lots of different glasses and eventually chose a Little Miss Sunshine pair. We picked up the glasses last week and so far I have been surprised at how well she has adjusted. She is happy to wear them and rarely takes them off. I have given her a special place on her dressing table to keep the case and when she takes them off she is always careful to put them back in the right place. We have talked about the importance of not touching the glass as it makes them dirty and she won’t be able to see properly. She enjoys using the cloth to help me clean them.
We have made a big fuss about how lovely she looks in them and I think her big sister is a little envious as she keeps asking if she can have her eyes tested. It’s certainly a far cry from the stigma of wearing glasses when I was a child.
We read the Charlie and Lola book about getting glasses, although I was a little disappointed to find that Lola doesn’t end up having glasses in the book. I’m still on the lookout for others. If anyone has any suggestions for good children’s books about wearing glasses please add a comment. Or perhaps I should write one….
I have recently been joining Kate on Thin Ice in her Grooving Mums feature. This is a way of sharing stories of how mums are doing things for themselves. I’m trying to see myself as more than just a mum and stop seeing doing things for myself as self-indulgence. This week I focused on shopping.
Before I had children clothes shopping used to be something I loved. Being slim I was lucky to be able to wear most things and I knew exactly what suited me. This began to change when I fell pregnant with my eldest daughter. After the initial excitement of buying maternity clothes for the first time, I soon came to the conclusion that everything I tried on made me look like the ballet dancing hippos from Fantasia.
After she was born I hadn’t considered that my shape would stay changed for such a long time. I had to go out and buy new tops because my chest had expanded from an A cup to a DD. Having always been flat chested I had no idea what suited a full breasted figure, and of course anything I wore had to be easily accessible for breastfeeding. Gone were my days of wearing pretty summer dresses and I would wander around the shops looking with envy at all the pretty feminine clothes that I used to wear.
Over time shopping became a chore. I could never find clothes that I thought would suit me, I would try things on and come out deflated and disappointed. I hated looking at my shape in the changing room mirror and would come home frustrated and empty-handed. It wasn’t that I was overweight but my shape had changed and I had no idea what to wear to flatter that shape.
Those of you who have been following my story so far will know that since the birth of my 3rd child I have taken up running. As a result I am now happier with my figure than I have been in a very long time. I noticed that many of the clothes I have been wearing over the past few years are looking baggy and old. I decided to do a wardrobe purge and throw out anything that was too big or had lost its shape and start afresh.
A large proportion of my clothes I’d had for a very long time, some were bought on my honeymoon 9 years ago and a few things were even older. A lot of the other things came from charity shops or cheap shops, a sign of my belief that spending money on myself is self indulgent. On the plus side there were many things in my wardrobe that I had given up hope of ever fitting into again and they all went on with ease.
I made a decision to go out and buy a few things that were modern, fitted properly and made me feel good. I had my 3 girls in tow and almost abandoned the attempt but instead plumped for sticking to one shop, finding some things I liked and trying them on. My 7 year old helped me pick things and I explained the styles that just don’t work on me. I was pleased to find a number of things I like ( a good start) and took them to try on. As I was going in I spotted a girl with a little black dress, I loved it and it reminded me of exactly the style of clothes I used to wear, so I vowed to find it when I came out. I chose a few things that I was happy with and went to find the dress. On my way I spotted a lady carrying a pair of shoes that I also loved, I added them to my collection. When I eventually found the dress they didn’t have my size but I checked the changing rooms to see whether the other girl had bought the dress. Fortunately she hadn’t and it was in my size. By this point I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to the changing rooms with my 3 year old rolling around the floor so I bought it without trying it on.
Later that evening I put on the dress with the new shoes and stood back to look in the mirror. It was like looking at the old me, the young single me who always wore dresses, dressed up and felt good. I looked at myself and it almost brought tears to my eyes ‘hello you, I haven’t seen you in a long time’.
I haven’t had occasion to wear the dress yet but I think a big girls night out might be in order – it would be a shame to just let it sit in the wardrobe.
I lost my mum 11 years ago. My children have never met her. They have seen photographs and I talk about her a lot but they don’t really understand who she is.
Right from the Start 