Category Archives: Random Thoughts & Life Stories

early education & play, parenting, Random Thoughts & Life Stories, review, Uncategorized

Lauren Child

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I was going to write a very different post but have decided that on reading an email with a link to the new Lauren Child website, that it needed to be shared.

I am a huge fan of Lauren Child, I think she is a creative genius.  All of her books give me a warm fuzzy feeling, from the witty text to the colourful illustrations – and the children love them too. If I have as much talent in my little toe as she has, I will be happy.

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A while ago I took 3 children to the Lauren Child exhibition at Cardiff Museum.  I was awestruck.  The children had an amazing time playing in Charlie and Lola’s kitchen  and dressing up in their clothes.  They read books and played with puppets, even the one year old had a great time.

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For those of you who are aspiring writers Lauren Child’s website offers useful advice on writing for children and the Frequently Asked Questions  give  some great insights into her writing.

My eldest loves the Clarice Bean series, reading the books over and over. She loved them so much she wrote to Lauren and was very excited to receive a reply. One more reason to love her.

If you haven’t read any of her books, please do, I promise you won’t be disappointed

guest post, Random Thoughts & Life Stories, Uncategorized

Wedding Singer / Things that Could go Wrong on your Wedding Day.

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This weekend I sang at a friend’s wedding, both in the church and later at the reception with my lovely 7 year old daughter.  This is the thank-you Message that the bride posted earlier, I thought it was beautifully written so she has agreed that I can use it as a Guest Post.

Things that Could go Wrong on your Wedding Day by Jane Northcombe

You could be woken up by rain so torrential that you couldn’t hear yourself think; you could still have a prominent red rash on your (bare) shoulder from the persistent scrubbing of the fake tan so shockingly applied two days previously; your dress could be creased like a screwed up newspaper following the aborted attempt at steaming it by the bridal shop who had double booked themselves the day before your wedding; in setting up the perfect shot, your photographer could fall backwards through the open french window with such a force that the heel is prised from his shoe as his back hits the deck; you could be standing in the lounge in full wedding attire, anxious to get to the church, listening to the strains of your beautiful vintage Austin car turning over and over and over . . Things that could go right on your wedding day: The rain could stop just in time for your three beautiful bridesmaids to leave the house with hair, make-up and dresses intact; you could hold your father’s hand all the way to the church, both sporting big cheesy grins because you’re both so happy; the creases in the silk could enhance the quirky asymmetric design of your fabulous Benjamin Roberts dress, you could walk into a church filled with virtually all your close family and friends; you could manage to refrain from crying when your dear friend sings the most beautiful rendition of Ave Maria; you could marry the man you love; your children could be beautifully turned out, beautifully behaved and be allowed to throw confetti over you inside a church, where the throwing of confetti is not even permitted outside; your two year old could be charmingly two and drive his toy cars around the altar, making loud ‘broom, broom’ noises, keeping the guests amused while the non-spectator sport of signing the registers takes place; the sun could come out at the perfect time and stay hot even to the extent of inflicting sunburn on some unsuspecting shoulders and you and you brand new husband could have the best day of your lives, surrounded by fabulous friends and family. Thank you to everyone who helped make our day so brilliant x

And if you would like to check out the aforementioned rendition of Ave Maria

death, early education & play, parenting, toddlers, wildlife

How my 2 year old learned about deer and death.

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dead deer in a gardenIt’s not every day that you wake up to the sight of a dead deer in your garden!  I was first alerted to the fact when my dogs hadn’t come to whine at the door after being let out. My 7-year-old went to find them and see if they had gone into the woods at the bottom of our garden.  She returned and said that there was something lying down behind the dog,  I asked how big and she said she didn’t know.  I was expecting to find a frog or maybe a bird but was confronted by the above.

I wasn’t sure whether to let my 2-year-old see it,  she really wanted to see the ‘reindeer’ but I thought she might be frightened.  However, I’m always keen to avoid sheltering my children so we went to the bottom of the garden so that I could gauge her response.

She was in fact absolutely fascinated by it.  It isn’t often that you will get the chance to see a deer that close so we could look at it and talk about it.  I pointed out its hoofs and she said

maybe it will get proper feet – does it have to go like this? (standing on tiptoe).

From the outset I talked about how it was dead.  I think children are very matter of fact about such things and their questions should be answered honestly but in a sensitive manner.  She saw that it had hurt its legs and was very concerned,

Maybe we could put it in the shower or in the bath and make its leg better?

I explained that we couldn’t put it in the bath and that we didn’t need to make it better because the deer didn’t hurt anymore, he couldn’t feel it because he was dead

Does it have arms?

No it has 4 legs like the dogs. Most animals don’t have arms.

But we have arms.

Yes.

Perhaps when we talked about the deer not feeling hurt, she was thinking of feeling as touch.

Not that it’s likely that many of you will encounter a dead deer in your garden, but would you know what to do if you did? Probably not, well neither did I and it took about 2 hours to find the answer. First port of call  the vets – I thought they might be able to point me in the right direction.  They gave me the number of the RSPCA and the local council.  According to the council a wild animal can only be collected from the roadside or public place, if it is on private property then the disposal is your own responsibility.  If I couldn’t find anyone to collect it then it became an environmental health issue and they would come and collect it.  The RSPCA suggested I contact DEFRA .  They said that they would normally advise people to dispose of animals in normal refuse, but that a deer probably wouldn’t fit! Their advice was to call the council again. The senior staff at the council finally authorised collection free of charge.

The men arrived and my 2-year-old delighted in showing them the way, saying ‘we think it is dead’.  I think they had visions of an animal that as soon as they moved it would start kicking out – I reassured them that it was dead.  The small antlers were caught around the tree and the deer was too big to fit in the bag they had brought so they carried it up the garden.

Oh look it’s awake now

my daughter said when she saw its eyes wide open.  She wanted to see them put it in the van and know where it was going.  I told her that they would probably bury it.  They put it in a yellow bag and onto the truck.

Are the mummy and daddy reindeer dead?

I don’t think so, they might be looking for it – poor deer

It’s alright reindeer you’ll get better soon.

We waved goodbye to the deer and the men.  So that was her first experience of death – we will see what other questions it raises in the coming days.  For now she has gone to bed with her cuddly reindeer kissing it’s legs and telling it she will give it a plaster to make it better.

parenting, Random Thoughts & Life Stories

Mothers and Their Neglected Talents

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I’ve just spent a weekend away for a friend’s hen party. We were in a party of 3 stay at home mums and one who works full time.

What struck me about our conversations at the weekend is that although all 3 stay at home mums are intelligent, skilled and have had good jobs in the past, our confidence about returning to work is rock bottom.  Part of this is a lack of direction, having been out of the workplace for a while, what do we go back and do?  Some of us are petrified about entering the world of work again and some don’t want to get caught up in demanding careers and feel guilty about neglecting the children.

For me work and career are a big part of both my identity and my self image.  I think we all agreed that staying home full time is more demanding than any job.  I love having some time away from the children, but for me work isn’t really about that.  Work is partly about having some financial independence so that I don’t feel guilty if I get my hair done or buy some new clothes.  Any job that I do has to be financially rewarding enough to pay for childcare for 2 children and leave a bit over.  Mostly, work gives me a sense of purpose and achievement. In any job I do I need to feel that I am challenging and developing myself and ideally I’d really like to make a difference. Work gives me a different aspect to my identity, at work I’m not just mum but someone people listen to and look up to.  I think I’m a better mum too when I work because I appreciate the children so much more and think about more than what I need to add to the shopping list.

I think there must be an abundance of mothers out there who have many talents but are drifting or working in jobs that undermine those talents.

Last week I went for a job interview for a full time job with some travelling and lots of responsibility.  The job was very exciting but I began to think about working full time and the impact it would have on the children. I got a glimpse of what it might be like to be a  full time working mum and the guilt about the lack of time you would be able to give your children.  I didn’t get the job, which was probably for the best.  I talked to another friend recently who has managed to hold on to a fulfilling career.  She feels that she never completely succeeds at anything because she is spreading herself between wife, mother and business woman and each one suffers in some way.

Going back to work this time will be the beginning of a new chapter, as the children grow up and I can build a new side to my identity.  As a qualified teacher I could easily drift back into a job in the classroom but somehow this doesn’t feel like moving forward. Maybe I should just take the easy option, earn a bit of money supply teaching and switch off to it at the end of the day. I’m hoping something more inspirational will strike me.  If anyone is looking for  someone who is passionate about early education, loves a challenge, writes, sings, can juggle a household of 3 kids and 2 dogs amongst many other talents give me a shout.

netmums, parenting, Random Thoughts & Life Stories

Real Parenting Through the Eyes of Tim Minchin

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I have just returned from a wonderful weekend in Edinburgh for my 40th birthday.  As part of the trip we went to see Tim Minchin. He was clever, funny, a stunning pianist and brave.  He has added a new song to his repertoire called lullaby.  How many of us have been in that situation when the baby is constantly crying and there is that very fine line between loving your baby and wanting to throw it out of the window?  I had one of those moments recently when I was sat in the car with noise and demands coming from all directions and I just wanted to shut the door, walk away and never come back.  We don’t do it because we love them and the benefits outweigh the tough times but I’m sure we have all had those fleeting moments.

A weekend away without the kids is a rare treat – did I miss them?  If I am honest no because I had the chance to be me for the weekend, to enjoy being a couple, to live at a different pace and forget about everyone elses demands.  On my return, how lovely to see the baby’s smiling face and have big hugs from my girls.  They always amaze me when I haven’t seen them for a day or 2, staggered by how tall they are or how amazing their vocabulary is and I appreciate them so much more.

parenting, Random Thoughts & Life Stories, Uncategorized

Turning 40 – What have I achieved in the past decade?

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It’s my last week in my 30’s so I’m doing a lot of reflecting on the past 10 years.  I don’t really feel like I have done a great deal in that time but when you sit down and think about it there is quite a lot that I can be proud of.  Here are some of my greatest achievements in that time:

1. I Got Married 

Not much of an achievement I hear you say, perhaps not for some.  I remember saying to my mum when in my late 20’s that I didn’t think I would ever get married because I didn’t think I would find someone who would love me enough.  She told me not to be stupid and as always she was right.  When my husband proposed to me on the eve of my 30th birthday, I was overwhelmed that he loved me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me.  I think that’s a great achievement and that we are still married after 9 years isn’t bad in the scale of things either.  Marriage isn’t all moonlight and roses and I’m not the best wife in the world.  Keeping it together is a huge challenge when you throw in the demands of young children, stressful jobs, working away and running a business, not to mention how much we change as individuals.  I don’t know if we will make it through the next decade, it will be my greatest achievement in life if we do.

2. Had 3 Wonderful Children

There was a time when we thought we would only ever have one child.  We tried for years to have a 2nd but suffered 2 miscarriages and felt it was our fate to only have one. My eldest is the most amazing child, clever, confident, beautiful, well behaved and sociable, you couldn’t ask for more in a child.  We still used to feel sad when she was playing on her own and hoped that one day she would have a brother or sister.  Now she has 2 sisters. My 2 year old can be hard work but is also clever like her sister, has a wonderful loving nature and frequently makes us laugh and the baby is a beautiful, happy, easy baby who smiles at everyone she meets.  I am proud to be raising 3 such lovely girls and I’m sure they will make me even more proud as they grow up.

3. Got a Masters Degree

My husband always makes me think outside the box and when I was unhappy at work he helped me to see that I had the power to change things and to go back and study.  I loved studying for my Masters and I found that I was surprisingly good at it.  I’m so glad that I did it.

4. Played Maria in ‘The Sound of Music’

I have been involved in musical theatre since I was a child and it was such a buzz to play Maria at Cardiff’s New Theatre, playing to full houses of 1000+ every night.  It was tinged with some sadness as it happened just after mum had died and I knew it would have made her so proud. 

Getting to do any theatre since having children has been an achievement in itself but I have done fairly well by appearing in a few musicals, playing Jane Eyre , a cocktail waitress in Shakers and appearing in my first opera.

5. Finding 2 Jobs that I Loved and in Which I Could Make a Difference.

In my early 30’s I worked with families of pre-school children who were on the autistic spectrum.  This was such an amazing job, I learned so much and met so many wonderful children and parents.  Watching the children progress and the families become more able to cope, I feel that I really did make a difference and that is so satisfying .

Between my first and my second child I worked for the local authority as an early years consultant.  Again I met some inspirational people, loved coming up with solutions to problems, learning about and sharing good practice and watching Continue reading Turning 40 – What have I achieved in the past decade? →

Mother's Day, parenting, Random Thoughts & Life Stories

The Bitter Sweet of Mother’s Day

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Most Mums wake up on Mother’s day looking forward to a day with their family, being spoiled and looked after.  The Facebook status of my friends who have children has been full of Happy Mother’s Day wishes and talk of what a great day they have had.  I struggle with what I should feel about Mother’s Day.  Since losing my own mother ‘Happy Mother’s Day ‘ somehow doesn’t seem quite appropriate – yet I do want to celebrate with my own children.

I lost my own mum 10 years ago at the tender age of 54 – she never had the chance to meet my girls, and she had so desperately looked forward to being a grandmother.  Mother’s Day is the day when I remember her most , thinking about what a fantastic mum she was and all the things we shared that I still miss.  I am sad that my children will never know her and that the support and encouragement she would have given me when I became a mum is missing.

To  a certain degree today has been a happy day.  This morning I had the pleasure of being brought breakfast in bed by my 6 year old, along with a small bunch of flowers from the garden, a handmade card and some ‘helping vouchers. 

I like to visit mum’s grave in South Wales on Mother’s Day.  It is always strange doing this with the children.   My 6 year old is beginning to understand who ‘Nanny Wendy’ is and why we go to lay flowers and remember her. It is difficult for my 2 year old to understand, ‘Who is Nanny Wendy?’ and ‘Where is Nanny Wendy?’ she asks.

So Mother’s Day for me is a strange day – I look forward to it and dread it, I celebrate the many joys of being a mum but it is always tinged with sadness and loss. I think it’s the ‘Happy’ Mother’s Day that I struggle with most – it seems somehow inappropriate to be happy on a day of remembrance.  So for all those who have lost their mum’s I’ll say a more fitting ‘Best Wishes’ for Mother’s Day.

literacy, poetry, Random Thoughts & Life Stories, reading, rhyme, world Poetry Day, writing

World Poetry Day – Musings on Poetry and Some to Share

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There has been a lot of discussion in recent weeks amongst mummy bloggers  as to whether or not we would be prepared to share poetry that we had written as teenagers.  The general concensus was ‘no way, it is far too personal and embarrassing’.  When I joined the discussion, I had just found my book of poetry from my teenage years and started to read it.  I agree that much of it is very naive, about love and loss of love and the desperate nature of teenage romances.  However, some of it is about other issues.  It shows the common beliefs that you hold when you are young , a sense of injustice and the hope that you will change the world some day.    I wrote lots of poetry as a teenager , helping to frame my thoughts and work through issues.  As an adult I write them less frequently, usually when I am unhappy and still find it therapeutic.

I’ve decided to be brave and share a poem that I wrote when I was 16 years old – this was written in the mid/late 80’s when there was lots of scaremongering about nuclear war – remember the dramas about what would happen if a nuclear bomb exploded? It’s unedited and uses the punctuation that I chose when writing it.

The End of the World

Screeching! Wailing! Shouting! Screaming!

People run to take cover where they cannot be saved.

Heart jumping, legs quaking, head  pounding,

I watch the sky for the beginning of my fate.

Then it comes, with no noise, people silent,

As we watch the air explode into smoke

See the world turning purple, red and yellow,

I feel sick, on my tears I could choke.

  

Bring my hands to my eyes and bury my head

To protect me from the great blinding light.

What’s happening? Help me! I can’t see!

Am I dead? Is this Heaven? Help me out!

Crumbling world all around me, dying people

But it’s all brought about by greedy men.

It’s the innocent , God fairing children

That are punished and have said their last Amen.

 

In my last few moments I remember a land

Full of green, much love and content.

See the earth slip away – not just my life

But a place, far too late to repent.

Dust fills my lungs and I crumble to the ground,

And though I am weak and my brain is concussed,

I still know how appropriate those funeral words are

of Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust.

 

I asked my 6 year old daughter to write something for me to share on my blog.  She loves poetry and often chooses a book of poetry as her bedtime story.  My husband taught her to recite ‘ Custard the Dragon’ by Ogden Nash, it was lovely to watch them doing this together and I’m sure it has helped with her expressive reading .  She used to add in her own bit when Custard cried for his nice safe cage – she would add in a deep ,whiny voice ‘Boo-hoo I want a safe cage’.  I think my 2 year old will follow in her footsteps.  She often chooses singing books at bedtime which include a mixture of song and rhyme.  Learning poetry by heart is such a valuable skill for young children.  It covers so many things that are important for becoming competent readers, awareness of rhythm and rhyme, use of alliteration, memory and the use of expression to convey meaning.  And of course it is fun.

Here are my daughter’s poems

Elephant

Elephant, Elephant

Wrinkly and Grey

I’m going home in case you

Step on me on the way.

Treasures

I love jewels on the walls

Crowns and diamonds all at the piemans

Money, money it’s so funny

Garnets and rubies at St Cuby’s

books, education, parenting, play, presents, Random Thoughts & Life Stories, winnie the pooh

Turning 40 Part 2 – Is Eeyore in his 40’s?…. and more thoughts about Eeyore.

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I picked up a book in my doctor’s surgery , ‘Forty-fied – How to be a Fortysomething’ by Malcolm Burgess.

I loved this quote

Eeyore is probably 40, seeing that his stuffing is falling out, he’s terminally depressed and surrounded by annoying energetic younger things who know that the only way to cheer him up is to give him a nice jam jar with a burst balloon for his birthday, about which he is expected to be sadly euphoric

I don’t feel like my stuffing is falling out but after having 3 kids,  I look at pictures of myself when I turned 30 and compare it to the tired woman with grey roots, developing wrinkles and a post baby tummy and wonder if we are the same person.  I love the stuff about presents which are also discussed elsewhere in the book.  I keep getting asked what I would like for my birthday but I don’t really want or need anything.  I’d quite like a boob job but at £5,000 that’s a bit above most budgets, permanent hair removal,  decent hair cut, a trip somewhere?  I’m doing quite well with presents from my husband, I have a spa day, haircut and photo shoot and tickets to see Rufus Wainwright and my neighbour has bought me tickets for the ballet – so I’m far from Eeyore’s realm.

To be honest I’m actually not that depressed about turning 40 – it’s a turning point for me.  The end of my childbearing days hence a chance to get my figure , career and social life back on track.  Maybe not straight away (I still have 2 children under 5) but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope I’m not an Eeyore.  In Benjamin Hoff’s wonderful book ‘The Te of Piglet’ ( a follow up to the’ Tao of Pooh’), he describes the Eeyore effect.  Those in life who enjoy being unhappy, who are so obsessed with the bad things in life that the good things pass them by.  The most poignant part of his Eeyore discussion  is that of the Eeyore educators.  These try to force too much inappropriate information on children too soon, so that children get stuck.  An Eeyore educator’s answer to failing test results would be to send them to school earlier,  taking away their creativity and play .

Piglet

picked a large bunch and trotted along, smelling them, and feeling very happy, until he came to the place where Eeyore was.

‘Oh Eeyore’, began Piglet a little nervously, because Eeyore was busy.

Eeyore put out a paw and waved him away.

‘Tomorrow’ said Eeyore. ‘Or the next day’.

I think we all recognise this in our busy lives, how we often say ‘In a minute’ but for the child who lives in the moment, that moment becomes lost. Hopefully turning 40 doesn’t mean turning into Eeyore, but rather being a Piglet or a Pooh.  As Piglet says in the closing line of ‘The Te of Piglet’

For me, it also seems like a beginning.

books, childhood, children, early education & play, literacy, Michael Morpurgo, Random Thoughts & Life Stories, reading, Richard Dimbleby Lecture, Sir Ken Robinson, teaching, uniqueness, writing

Who touched your life when you were a child? – Michael Morpurgo’s Richard Dimbleby Lecture

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I have finally managed to watch Michael Morpurgo’s Richard Dimbleby Lecture.  How refreshing to hear someone from outside of the world of Education recognising how undervalued the Early Years profession is.  The lack of financial reward and status means that many of the UK’s brightest individuals are discouraged from entering the Early Years profession.  Working with our youngest children is one of the most important occupations of all, as Morpurgo put it

‘a pound spent in the early years can save ten pounds later’

Thank goodness some of us care enough not to desert the profession.

The lecture also decried the target driven education system we have in this country.  When everything relies upon targets and league tables it is easy to forget about the individuality of each child and how their needs can be met.  Morpurgo explained how  in New Zealand children enter school on their 5th birthday, thus allowing teachers time to get to know each child individually , rather than having a class of 30 all arriving at once. Also in Finland, which comes 2nd in the OECD World Education rankings, children do not start school until they are 7 years old.   With an education system built on targets and children starting school at such a young age we are setting our children up for failure.  No wonder we  keep seeing headlines about how boys are failing to read.

Morpurgo argues that the most important part of a child’s education is building trusting relationships, focusing on the unique qualities of each child. When teachers and adults are passionate about a subject, be it reading, music, sport or science they enthuse children to enjoy those things too.  This reminded me of Sir Ken Robinson’s book ‘The Element’.  In this he talks about how each of us have something that we excel at , that we enjoy and is at the core of our very being.  Many of these things are discovered by perceptive and enthusiastic adults when we are children, others of us do not find our ‘element ‘ till much later in life, if at all.

There are a number of people who helped me to find a passion.  My mother read me books, took me to the library and showed me that books were special, instilling in me a love for reading.  The primary school teachers who first put me on the stage in school shows and sowed the seeds for a love of performing and my secondary school English teacher who recognised my talent for writing and called me her ‘shining star’ helped me to believe that I could.

It also made me think of another thought I had earlier in the day as I taught my eldest daughter to play clock patience.  I thought about all the things my grandfather taught me to do when I was young.  Not only clock patience, but how to make a paper hat and paper aeroplane, how to play pick up sticks and two little dickie birds with pieces of paper on your fingers – things that I hope I remember well enough to pass down.

Working in Early Years Education I am sure that we touch children’s lives in many ways, with the experiences we give them, through listening to them and sharing their worlds and understanding their needs.  In some ways it’s a bit sad that few of the children we teach will remember the influence we had on their lives, they wont cite us as someone who touched their life, but I’m pretty certain we did.

For a full transcript of the Dimbleby Lecture    http://www.michaelmorpurgo.com/news/read-michaels-dimbleby-lectur/